Communication with your peers, supervisors and section.
When a boundary is violated, the brain emits a chemical that does not feel good....a sensation similar to fear and embarrassment, and depending on the violation - even shame. Your heart rate increases, there is a flush of heat, the Amygdala kicks in - fight, flight or freeze - and then its very difficult to address the violation in that moment.
The practice of Mindfulness will help keep lips sealed until centre is restored....ie take the time to center in order to respond rather than react (Dr David Hawkins). Of course if one has reacted, recovery is critical - the 3 A’s:
- Accept responsibility for reaction,
- make Amends
Validation of boundary principal - respect of the universal right for boundaries
Listening: Validate what you’re hearing - listen without interruption and be willing to co-create alignment. Validation is not the same as agreement. Alignment is the co-creating of the tracks upon which the train (organization) will run, which allows for the unique and diverse values we hold in society to be valued. This is difficult skill to acquire - there will be many errors - correct them in the moment, take responsibility, apologize, recover and forgive yourself. It is the effort that is important (Daniel Coyle “The Talent Code) - success will come.
Speaking: I call it “the Mr. Collins” from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice - have a few “alignment seeking questions” in your back pocket so you can “take a breath” to respond rather than react when your body is in “react mode”. If your intention is to learn the skill of response, you will learn it, and you won’t need Mr. Collins anymore.
- tell me more about that
- let me think about it and I’ll get back to you (is important to follow through)
- that’s not ok with me
If your boundaries at work keep getting violated - choose a stronger boundary. The steel wall of respectful professional courtesy is always available. We do not need to like everyone, but professional politeness is essential when asserting your boundaries and when your boundaries have been violated. Lastly, we do have protection in the Collective Bargaining Agreement and in the legal system.
You know what is true and right for you. Actively manage and maintain your boundaries. Mindfulness allows you to build up strength in who you know yourself to be and to trust your body and mind response to self and others and to act accordingly.
Here are some helpful links re mindful listening: