A little background - through my passion as a Life Coach I've been reading, integrating and reflecting on the connection between mindfulness practice and the courage to be vulnerable and authentic...to show up and be seen (Brene Brown). To take 100% responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions...to recover & repair when I make mistakes!!! To be brave and sit in the discomfort of vulnerability and turn toward painful emotions - knowing they will roll through me, providing insight and wisdom. Knowing that I have support while in that process. To be loving and kind when I'm disappointed in myself or others.To be deeply attuned to my purpose and core values...and to the essence underneath us all.
To show up to be seen in my personal and professional life.
Last week at CPO was amazing for me - I experienced ease and joy while playing, listening, counting - all at the same time ....sprinkled on top were creative hits of colour and dynamics...stories of hope, forgiveness and acceptance...attuned to colleagues and able to connect/anticipate from the "knowing place". Felt 35, on fire and at ease...was in Flow. Its been awhile - so I decided to investigate...
So here I am giggling at another paradox (of course)! How to be deeply attuned to Self and "tune it out" in order to perform well? To be IN the question - what do I need to be aware of right now to perform well?
I and many colleagues have performed with the flu, migraines, burning physical pain...through break ups and divorce, bullying, worry about children, disappointment, death of loved ones...
I make an authentic choice - I must have the skill of deep focus (mindfulness) in order to perform well, so I put "life" in a box (with a pretty, sparkly bow) set it aside..."for now". When I'm off stage, I look at it, process it and let it settle in & integrate before taking Kind Loving Action...toward myself and others. These "life" experiences expand my Artistic soul and once integrated, bring authenticity, depth and empathic character development to performances.
Sometimes I'm not as aware of the deep internal, psycho-physical response as I'd like... the sheer volume on stage at times....of being too close to a colleague...can't see, can't hear... many times I find out that I'm annoyed "too late"...a snap, a sarcastic remark...then its about humility, apology and recovery in the moment - and a sense of humour!
If I'm the middle of hot flash and the flute is slipping off my face - my fingers swollen with the heat and sluggish...the panic and grasping ensues....I need my awareness (and Lorna's voice) to get me back on track while in the performance - to make a joke, let it go - no stories!!! and get back to the moment...knowing that it will pass. Resilience & Recovery!
The Loving, kind feeling of my authentic voice has a sensation to it deep in the belly, a spaciousness around the back of my heart and a tingle down my spine...my internal response to authenticity with grace (unmerited gifts). Loving kind Action is a slow smile, an authentic compliment, compassionate, connecting choices, an eye-eye exchange.
In my experience, the external response to my authentic voice has varied from rejoicing, to acceptance, to full on resistance. My challenge is to accept, with grace, what is...not fixing or convincing...but with resilience, with patience (not "impatience stretched to its limit") and faith.
In the meantime, its all about self care. We can only be truly generous when our own well is filled - we give away the overflow. I cocoon, read, journal, draw, nurture a coffee, light a candle or incense, walk outside, play with the dogs, call a friend...anything with water and epsom salts....let it wash away....and the empowered choice to practice mindfulness and the flute :)
If you wish to explore this further in your own life with me as your Life & Music Coach, I offer a 20 minute free consultation.